How to Plan a Relaxed Wedding: 5-Step Guide.

When it comes to planning a wedding, all we want is to be able to look back on it and remember that feeling. The feeling that comes from the glow of laughing, smiling, relaxing in to each moment and looking your partner in the eye as they smiled and laughed along with you. So, the question is - how do you get there?

How do you get from an engagement ring to a full blown wedding day, resulting in a gallery full of photographs that bring that feeling back? How do you get from no plans at all and, possibly, no clue where to start, to the wedding day that feels and looks like you?

If you're anything like me, you're less likely to naturally structure something out, and although spreadsheets do help, if there was one thing I would have loved when planning my wedding, it would have been a Step-by-Step Guide on where, and how, to begin.

Having been a wedding photographer in Scotland and abroad now for over 14 years, I've seen quite a few wedding days play out, not to mention experienced my own, so I thought it would be ideal to take what I've witnessed over the years and apply it in a practical way to help you plan your own perfect, smooth-running, relaxed wedding day so here's my 5 Step Guide:

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Step 1. Let your imagination be your guide.

Where to begin with Wedding Planning?

Well, the first thing I recommend is to take a big deep breath, close your eyes and picture it. What immediately comes to mind?

Is there a dream venue you know in your heart that you want to get married in? Do you see yourself milling around the grounds of an elegant country estate? Are you in a barn, a garden, a city library?

Does your mind's eye conjure up an at-home garden wedding, filled with guests, flowers and foliage, festoon lights and a long, rustic trestle table for your wedding breakfast? Or are you more inclined towards an elegant room with large round tables, a Georgian fireplace and huge windows?

These things will be in there, you just need to take a big deep breath, sit for a minute and let them wander into your imagination.

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Step 2. Decide on your main priorities.

What should I prioritise first when planning my wedding?

A great place to start is to ask yourself what you both really want from your wedding day (other than to get married, of course).

Grab a pen and paper and think about;

• Size:

Do you immediately see yourself with small numbers or a large party atmosphere?

Is an Elopement with just the two of you, in the middle of a beautiful Scottish valley, by the side of a loch where your heart is drawn or is your immediate 'must-have' guest list already a significant size?

And there's always the consideration, right now, of having a small and intimate wedding now and a larger reception party down the line when things are much more 'normal'.

• Location:

Home or away?

Outdoors or indoors?

Country or city?

Do you want to be by the sea, a loch, a river, in a forest setting or a great expanse of countryside?

Do you want to be indoors to eat? (Scottish climates usually dictate this) and if so, where? Manor house? Grand hotel? Converted Barn? Marquee? Tipi?

• Atmosphere:

String quartette / live band / personally curated playlist?

Sunglasses and outdoor canapés or cosy open fires?

Vast open spaces or an intimate, beautiful indoor space?

• Theme:

When I say theme, I don't mean 'Star Wars' (unless that's your jam, in which case, totally go for it), I mean, are you lovers of travel? Handmade and local? Books? Dance? Festivals? Theatre? Animals? Nature?

Select what's closest to your heart and keep that at the centre of all your decision making.

In these times, being sustainable, eco-friendly and as green as possible may be the closest thing to your heart and if so, check out this link, by the amazing 77 Diamonds, for a Guide to Planning your own Sustainable, Zero-Waste Ethical Wedding.

... deciding on these types of elements can come naturally, but if you find it tough, thinking on these elements is great place to start.

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Step 3. Research your big vendors and secure them first.

Which wedding suppliers, services or vendors should I book first?

Generally speaking, the vendors that get booked around 1 - 2 years in advance, on average, are most often:

1. Venue

2. Caterer

3. Photographer

4. Cake Artist

5. Florist

6. Hair and Make-Up Artist

7. Band

8. Videographer

If you have your eye on any of the above it's best to contact and book as early as possible. Vendors can often only take a select amount of bookings per year and fill up fast.

Once the vendors above are secured, the next on the list would be stationers. They often need much more time to prepare and produce invite designs and kits than some may initially think, so give them a year if possible too.

Take time to get really familiar with your vendors though. Get to know them. We're there with you for a large section of your day, or we're playing a big part behind the scenes, it's important you know we're your cuppa tea and that you can trust us to do a stellar job, so that, once booked, you can tick it off in the safe knowledge that we have your back and will handle the rest from there on out.

I have an amazing list of Scottish vendors stored in my Instagram highlights, if you'd like to peruse some beautiful options. Including, the one element that can make it all a little easier, amazing wedding planners like Timeless White, of Aberdeen.

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Step 4. Timings are key.

What are the best timings for a wedding day? When it comes to ensuring your day flows with a relaxed and easy timeline, here are the key Time Elements to consider:

1. Is it best to stay at the venue the night before your wedding?

The short answer is yes. If it's possible. Being close to your wedding venue or location on the morning of saves time and energy, there's no two ways about it.

2. When should I start getting ready on the morning of my wedding?

Great question! The answer depends on how many people will be getting ready with you and what exactly you're having done by whom - i.e. are you doing your own make up? Or do you have a hair and make up artist coming to do it for you? Either way, my advice would always be to start approx 30 mins earlier than the time that comes to mind initially - it never fails to have that extra pocket of time in place.

3. What time of day is best to get married?

Plan for a ceremony that's not too early but not too late - sometime between 1pm and 2pm is an ideal time-slot for a ceremony that allows you plenty of time to relax in the morning whilst still making room for photos and catching up with friends and family over drinks and canapés before your meal.

4. How long does a wedding ceremony take?

Your average wedding ceremony will last around 40 - 45 minutes, with the exception of a Catholic service that includes a mass, they will often take around an hour, possibly more. If this is the case, it's always best to think about having your ceremony start around 1pm at the latest.

5. How long do wedding photographs take?

This completely depends on the photographer, but my rough estimate is always to allow for 1 hour of photography overall.

I don't like to keep guests standing around simply looking at the camera head on, so I move through group photos fairly quickly, keeping people moving, laughing and interacting throughout. This can mean your groups alone, whichever you've decided on using the Guide I provide, will normally only take around 30 mins maximum.

The rest of that hour is then left for you two to use up as long with me as you wish. The minimum I'd ask for with you is 15 minutes.

It's always best to allow 2 hours overall between the end of your ceremony and the beginning of your speeches to leave a nice amount of time for a drinks reception and lots of hugs and congratulations around your more 'formal' photographs.

6. How long should wedding speeches be?

It's best to try and keep your wedding speeches to within 30 mins overall. That's for everyone involved, so if you're having two best men, it might be a great idea to ask them to to a joint speech. This way, your guests aren't sitting with empty stomachs for too long and the catering staff are always happier. However, having speeches between your main course and dessert can be a great option to resolve any potential time-flow issues there.

7. Are there any other time constraints to consider?

Yes, travel. Try to keep travel between venues as short and limited as possible. It only eats up time that could be better spent milling around with your favourite people and just enjoying your day unfold.

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Step 5. And lastly, stay true to you.

Weddings are wonderful. They are milestones in many people lives at the same time and it's natural to want to consider everyone.

You'll have input from well-meaning family and friends along the way, but the absolute best thing you can do to ensure it's a day you can truly relax and enjoy, is make sure every decision is yours. Even if that means ultimately, having less decisions. Keeping it really simple.

Let yourself have the final say. Talk it out between you before setting things in motion. Ensure that all decisions made get made by you, for you.

And stay true to that vision you saw when you took that deep breath and closed your eyes, right at the beginning of this guide.

If what's playing out before you, doesn't fit with that feeling and scene, think twice on it and don't be scared to say No.

At the end of the day, it's your wedding day and it should feel like you, no matter what.

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And there we have it - those would be my 5 Guideposts. The things I'd map out and come round to as I go about planning.

I love weddings so much. All styles and sizes. I prefer photographing them than planning them, though, so if you'd like to know more about my approach to your wedding photography or ask me anything about how it can come together, drop me a line here.

All images © Jill Cherry Porter Photography 2021